User:Dereko/Last Will
Despite being a subpage of User:Dereko, this page was created as draft, which is open for everyone to edit. |
Zepheniah Mann's Last Will & Testament is Storyline content revealed in stages on hidden pages during the ARG to tease the release of the (Mann vs Machines Update. In the course of his testaments and bequiethals, Zepheniah expressed his displeasure with his twin sons, and, so, he divides his real estate between the two, establishing the basis for their conflict in the Badlands. In the original publication, certain lines of testament are obscured by very fine gravel, which, when revealed in a later hidden page, introduces a surprise character scheming to acquired the true wealth of【[Mann Co.]].
Synopsis
Written by Zepheniah Mann, the last will and testament delivers early information about the background of Team Fortress 2, also depicts several characters of Mann family.
Notably, in the last will, the cause behind the endless war between Mann brothers has been stated, and for the first time Australium was informally mentioned as "miracle gravel".
Updates and references
- 2009
- In the update page of Haunted Hallowe'en Special, the last will was introduced inside a hidden page, with some text covered by sand.
- There is also a secret link inside the former page, which leads to another hidden page displaying a fragmentary portrait of Mann family.
- 2010
- In the comic Loose Canon, the last will was quoted, with the scence of Zepheniah's death being portrayed.
- In the update page of Scream Fortress Update, another half of the portrait was revealed in a hidden page.
- 2012
- During an ARG event before the Mann vs. Machine update, the full version of the last will was updated in a hidden page.
- 2014
- In the comic Catch-Up, the story of Mann family which has been written in the last will, was told by Saxton Hale.
Transcript
Transcript |
---|
I, Zephaniah Mann being of sound mind, do hereby vow to haunt the earth as a horrifying poltergeist, until such time as I have quenched my all-consuming thirst for vengeance against the world, and especially against my dunderhead sons.
If it takes a brave man to admit he is in error, then surely a man willing to admit both of his sons are stumble-bum muttonheads is twice as brave. It was they who convinced me to spend the entirety of my sizeable fortune purchasing land in the unclaimed frontier of the Americas, in the hope of expanding our weapons concern to the uncolonized westernmost regions. Many tales did they whisper in my too credulous ears, of gravel as far as the eye can see, for any man with strong back and iron spirit to harness. Long did I dream of transforming these virgin lands and its vast holes into the world's most majestic and profitable pits of gravel. But when at last we arrived, we found only "fool's gravel"- my nitwit sons had purchased a continent-sized parcel of sand! It is here in this wind-swept desert hell that I fear I shall breathe my last. Since moving from my Cambridgeshire estate to the untamed frontier I have contracted putrid fever, bilious fever, blackwater fever, green fever, spotted fever - even womb fever, as a complication from a serious bout of superfluous uterus. On our sailing trip to the new world I contracted white plague, marasmus sweating sickness, deplumatious tumors of the eyelids, pleurisy, membranous croup and scarlet rash; during the drive west I contracted brain itch, stomatitus, and blood poisoning; since settling our estate I have contracted falling sickness, walking sickness, stationary sickness, shingles, jaundiced spine and skull bloat. I contracted scrivener's palsy in the writing of this last will & testament. Possessing no paper in this godforsaken frontier, I have penned this on my own skin, which has sloughed off in quantity since contracting impetigo. To the foul-smelling, uneducated simpletons of the untamed Americas, I leave only this curse - as weapons have caused my downfall, so will I engineer the downfall of any soul who puts one to use near my restless grave. Shoot over my bones, and I shall visit upon you a haunting the likes of which you have never seen. To my dearest maidservant Elizabeth I leave the rest and residue of my estate - including all deeds, accounts, debts public and private - my tobacco plantation - and what remains of the fortune my addle-pated sons have squandered. Find the gravel that I was unable to find! Honor me by placing it inside a pit! To my faithful aide and tracker, Barnabas Hale of the savage Australians, I divest compleat control of the Mann & Sons Munitions Concern. You procured the poppy flowers required for the medicines that gave me succor from the pains of my many warring ailments. It has been pleasant to not shriek myself to sleep. To my layabout, brain defective sons, Blutarch and Redmond, I leave the greatest curse of all - partnership. What land I have purchased in this new world is to be split evenly between you both. You have wasted your lives bickering over nothing, and so I leave you dimwits something of consequence over which to feud. Lastly, to most trusted Elizabeth I leave the entirety of my "miracle" gravel cache, uncovered with Barnabas during a trip to Terra Australis. My weakling son Gray resurfaced last year and has threatened to blackmail me for it. I give the gravel to you and swear you to utmost secrecy in its keeping. God and His angels will have to drag me screaming to Heaven. I do not want to die! Damn you all to Hell! Zephaniah Mann |