A Visual History
| A Visual History | |
|---|---|
| Comic Strip Info | |
| Released: | June 10, 2010 |
| Number of pages: | 4 |
| Artist: | Michael Oeming |
| “ | I like this gun.
— The Heavy, on Apple's newest self-blogging product
|
” |
A Visual History is a comic released on June 10, 2010, along side the Mac Update. The comic features the RED Scout, the RED Soldier, and the RED Heavy getting more than they bargained for when they find themselves at the Apple Store.
Not included in the Team Fortress 2 background or storyline, this non-canon[1] comic places the main characters in the future days of curvy iMacs and egg-shaped single-button mice.
Synopsis
In the comic, the RED Scout, the RED Soldier, and the RED Heavy are leaving a giant burning pile of rubble in Dustbowl after losing a battle thanks to their broken Mann Co. gear. After blaming their junk equipment and claiming they'll end up dying if they don't find a solution to their situation, they come across an Apple Store and enter it. Inside, they find Trent and Jessica. The Scout tries to unsuccessfully seduce the girl by telling her his achievements in his latest battle and by un-noticeably flexing. The employees also present the mercenaries to their high-quality, multi-use products, such as a new headset for the Scout, a Minigun that "fires biodegradable bullets that track kills on a blog and are programmed to set one up if you don't own one" for the Heavy, and a pig that cooks itself when plugged into a FireWire port, which interests the Soldier more than his flame-bursting Shovel. Shortly afterwards, Saxton Hale unexpectedly breaks into the store, claiming his unsafe and manly equipment is much better than any of Apple's little white egg gadgets. However, he discovers all the great things their products could do after pressing a tiny wireless mouse button that blows up the Moon. He decides to purchase the company, until the shop manager, whose identity is not stated, appears and rejects the offer. Hale, quickly recognizing the rival, claims the store has his curvy stink all over it and prepares for a battle, which is supposedly shown in the next issue, "When Titans Clash!".
Transcript
| A Visual History |
|---|
| [The comic opens the day prior at Dustbowl, with the RED Heavy, Soldier and Scout walking away from a burning battlefield injured, the Scout bleeding from his ear]
Heavy: I cannot believe our guns break in middle of battle. Again. Soldier: In America, comrade, we do not blame the tool. We blame the man. Scout: I blame a Mann alright. Mann Co. This stuff is junk! Seriously, look at this! My earpiece melted inside my skull here! That's like three times now! Soldier: Ladies, clearly I cannot talk to you as I would men. So I will sugarcoat this with your fancy college talk. Either we find a just-in-time solution to resynergize our paradigm, or we will be thinking inside the box. Six feet under the ground. [A bright, white-blue light emits from over the hill] Scout: Holy crap! Hey fellas, look at this! [They stand atop the hill, looking down at a futuristic, grey and white building. Atop the building is a large, obscured sign resembling an apple] Soldier: Was... was that there yesterday? Heavy: Is so... white. Scout: It looks like some kinda hospital for fruit! [The scene cuts to inside the building, where two employees reside; a man wearing a hat, and a woman. Some computers and displays can be seen on desks] Trent: Hey there, guys! My name's Trent! This is Jessica! Jessica: Hi you guys! Let us know if you need anything, okay? [The mercs stand together speechless and bewildered, when suddenly...] Scout: GIRL! I got this one, guys. Jessica: Hi! Can I- Scout: Guess who was just in a battle? Don't bother guessin', 'cause it was me! See this blood? I got no idea whose it is! Not mine, anyway! Yeah-ha! Well, most of it. The blood comin' out of my head's mine. You got any wireless headsets you could show me? Jessica: We, uh... have one right there! Scout: Ah. You mean this one... here? [Scout points to the side and 'flexes', with the text 'FLEX' for emphasis, visibly straining himself. An image of some tickets covers his arm, reading 'ADMIT ONE GUN SHOW'] Jessica: I... don't know what's happening right now. Are you flexing? Scout: What? NNGH! No. (Must... flex... harder.) [Scout visibly sweats, with the text 'PAINFUL FLEX' for emphasis. He is revealed to be pointing at a wireless headset] Scout: I was just... rrg! Casually pointing at this headset. This is my... rngf! Natural pointing stance. Jessica: Oh. Okay. Anyway, that's it there. You found it. Scout: Yeah I did. (Heh. Ol' flexy. Never fails.) [Meanwhile, Trent is showing Heavy a futuristic-looking version of the Minigun] Trent: ...and the bullets biodegrade once they hit flesh, leaving nothing behind but a blog post. Heavy: Bullet will update blog with kill count? Trent: In real time, sir! Heavy: I do not have blog. Trent: The bullets are programmed to set one up for you! Heavy: I like this gun. [Suddenly, the Soldier holds up a shovel, angrily] Soldier: Judases! I have used this Mann Co. shovel for twelve years! It does not blog! It does not biodegrade! It barely digs holes! But it is mine and aggggh it is on fire! [The shovel abruptly bursts into flames. Trent quickly comes in with a small fire extinguisher to put it out] Trent: Uh oh! Let me take care of that for you, sir! Soldier: Bah! This shovel bursts into flame(sic) so often my hand is a fireproof mass of scar tissue! You hippies have nothing that I need! [The now-extinguished Soldier looks over at Jessica, who has a laptop connected to a pig with an apple in its mouth] Jessica: You'll like this, sir. Soldier: I will not! Keep pushing me, sister, and I will plant my carbon footprint so far up your is that a pig? Jessica: Yep! You just plug it into the FireWire port. Soldier: Is that pig cooking? Jessica: Already cooked! Who wants bacon, ribs, pork chops and ham? Soldier: Yes, yes, I do, and yes. Voice: STOP... [Suddenly, Saxton Hale bursts through the window, with the text 'PROPERTY DAMAGE' for emphasis] Saxton Hale: ...RIGHT THERE! The name's Saxton Hale! Australian! CEO of Mann Co! And the man who's gonna burn this place to the ground! I make square, unsafe products for men! Not white little egg things with no sharp edges and only one button! Look at this tiny thing! It's not on fire! How do you even know it's on? [He picks up and pushes a button on a small, grey device, with the text 'BRAVE PRESS!' for emphasis. In the following panel, a TV screen in the background reads the news] Saxton Hale: Ha! Mysterious button, you just got pressed by Saxton Hale! News Reporter: This just in! Someone has blown up the moon! [The screen changes to an image of an exploded moon, with the text 'UP NEXT... The Moon: Taken Too Soon', while music plays] Music: ♪...hope you had the ti-ii-me, of your life...♬ Saxton Hale: Enh? [Jessica stands infront of Saxton Hale] Jessica: That's our newest product. The iBlewUpTheMoon. Saxton Hale: Are you saying... I just...? Jessica: Yep! Saxton Hale: Well, that is fantastic. [The angle shifts to a close-up of Saxton Hale's face. The text 'A BOLD NEW PLAN!' appears above him] Saxton Hale: Let me see your manager. Because I am buying your company. [Suddenly, the store manager appears, pulling up their sleeve, as Saxton Hale points at them] Store manager: No sale, Hale! Saxton Hale: You! I should have known! This place has your curvy stink all over it! NEXT ISSUE! WHEN TITANS CLASH! |
Pages
Trivia
- In Valve Presents: The Sacrifice and Other Steam-Powered Stories, a hardcover compilation of earlier comics that are based on the lore of Valve games, the name of the story was changed to Mac. A bonus cover for the comic was also featured.
- Page 1
- "Yesterday"; June 9, 2010, the day before the Mann Co. released on the Mac OS X platform.
- First frame: As the comic alludes to the titanic Mac vs PC rivalry, failing Mann Co. products are proxies for Microsoft Windows operating systems and applications, reputed for crashing and security issues. (Soldier patriotically blames the user.)
- Third frame: Rather than sugarcoating, the Soldier obfuscates with Corporate speak; "... a just-in-time solution to resynergise our paradigm or we will be thinking inside the box [coffin] ....".
- Fourth frame: "... some kinda hospital for fruit." The Apple logo (a fruit) is partially visible while Apple store décor has been compared to hospitals.[2]
- Page 2
- First frame: Displayed products are consistent with (then) recently introduced MacBook (2006–2012) and unibody iMac.
- Page 3
- Fifth frame: "I have used this ... for twelve years!" Windows 98 was still in use in the real world and was 12 years old when the Comic was published.
- The shovel that Soldier is brandishing is a non-folding design, different from any other shovel he uses in the game.
- Sixth frame: Catch Fire is an old computer programming idiom for computer failures caused by flawed design of hardware or software.
- Page 4
- FireWire was a proprietary Apple interconnect technology that was soon eclipsed by USB.
- Seventh frame: The lyrics that emanate from the TV after Saxton Hale destroys the Moon, "...Hope you had the ti-ii-ime of your life....," are from the Green Day song "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)."
- Final frame: Steve Jobs, Co-founder, Chairman, and CEO of Apple Inc., wore black, long-sleeved sweaters daily as a personal uniform, and he often slid the sleeves up.
See also
External links
- A Visual History on the Team Fortress 2 Official Website.
References
- ↑ Blog post on the Offical TF2 Blog confirming the comic is non-canon
- ↑ Tom Keating, TCMnet Bloggers, Microsoft Store in Danbury Fair Mall Is No Apple Store "The Apple Store ... has this almost cold, hospital, sterile-like atmosphere.", July 9, 2012.
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