Doom-Mates
Doom-Mates | |
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Comic Strip Info | |
Released: | October 24th, 2012 |
Number of pages: | 19 |
Artist: | Heather "makani" Campbell Jim Murray (cover) |
“ | ENOUGH! Do you think you can bully Merasmus like he's some cheap parlor magician?
— Merasmus
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” |
Doom-Mates is a comic released on October 24th, 2012, as part of the Fourth Annual Halloween Special. It features yet another confrontation between Merasmus and the Soldier, who finally pushes the wizard past his breaking point.
Synopsis
The comic opens with Merasmus returning from WizardCon MCLVI (1156), being driven back to his castle, attempting, and failing, to use magic to force the cab driver to lower the price. Merasmus returns to his castle to find it completely wrecked by the RED Soldier, with raccoons, and his refrigerator buried in the front yard. Merasmus confronts the Soldier and is soon informed by a city official that his castle now houses every single raccoon in the Badlands area and that it is being annexed into a raccoon sanctuary as a result. Merasmus is told to "take it up with the park ranger"; who, naturally, turns out to be the Soldier. After the Soldier taunts him, Merasmus snaps, his ghostly form vowing to kill the Soldier. The Soldier claims that he will come back stronger, citing an occasion in which he took the wizard's "Kill Me Come Back Stronger Pills". Merasmus instead decides to kill everyone the Soldier cares about.
The comic cuts to the Soldier casually retelling the story to the RED Scout and Spy, explaining why the members of the RED team are being killed.
Transcript
Doom-Mates |
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[The first page is a cover image, depicting Merasmus on the floor, vomiting a ghastly fog that takes the form of himself and many fish with glowing eyes. The RED Soldier points up at this fog whilst his arm is being attacked by multiple raccoons. A Mann Co. sticker is shown reading 'MANN CO. SUPERNATURAL COMBAT FICTION' is displayed, alongside a second sticker indicating the comic is #4 in the series, released in October at a price of 12¢. A third sticker, reading 'APPROVED by the MANN CO. DREAD COUNCIL to be 100% TERRIFYING!' is also displayed]
SCREAM FORTRESS PRESENTS I FIGHT YOUR FAVORITE FRIGHT-FIGHTING, [The comic opens to a taxi cab, with Merasmus in the passenger seat] Driver: That'll be sixteen fiddy, pal. Merasmus: Oh will it? Will it really? I am inside your mind! BRAZBO BARRABUS! The fare is now TEN DOLLARS, and no more! Driver: If you want, I could drive you back to the airport and kick your ass there. Merasmus: Oh, very well. [Merasmus takes out his wallet to pay the driver, then exits with a bag reading 'WIZARDCON MCLVI' filled with scrolls and potions. He is greeted outside of his castle by the RED Soldier, alongside several raccoons. A refrigerator — of which is taped shut and has multiple 'SKRITCH' sounds being emitted from it — is partially buried in the ground with a shovel next to it, as well as a washing machine nearby with fire spewing from it] Soldier: WELCOME BACK, MERASMUS! Merasmus: Soldier! What— why— I've only been gone three days! What did you do to my castle? Why are there— are you burying the regfrigerator in the yard? Soldier: Technically I'm burying what's in the refrigerator. Also: do not open the refrigerator. Merasmus: You— you don't even live here anymore! Soldier: Ha! Tell me about it! I had to break in! Merasmus: Where did all these raccooons come from? Soldier: They sniffed out all the sour cream I hid! They love the stuff. Don't you, Lieutenant Bites? Yeahhh, you do. [Soldier pets the raccoon — of which is also biting him — whilst Merasmus picks up a glob of sour cream and sniffs it] Soldier: Help yourself, by the way. I hid plenty of it, and it spoils real fast. Merasmus: That's why you put it in the refrigerator! Soldier: I'm not going to dig up a refrigerator every time a raccoon wants some sour cream, Merasmus. 'Merasmus: Oh, for— The Bombinomicon! Your raccoons are EATING the Bombinomicon! [Raccoons are shown eating the Bombinomicon as Merasmus points angrily at it. He saves it from them, when suddenly a woman wearing black glasses appears behind him] Park Warden: Ma'am? Is this your domicile? Merasmus: Enh? Yes yes, what is it?! Park Warden: I'm with the city. I need to talk to you about the raccoons. Merasmus: Oh! Uh... they'll all be destroyed within the hour, I assure you! Park Ranger: I'm afraid not, ma'am. Your domicile is currently housing every raccoon in the Greater Badlands area. We're annexing this castle and making it a raccoon sanctuary. Merasmus: You're asking Merasmus to leave his castle of eldritch horror? Park Ranger: You'd have to take that up with the park ranger, ma'am. Merasmus: "Park Ranger"? Who— oh please God don't let it be— [Soldier appears behind Merasmus as his face warps with anger] Soldier: You hear that, Merasmus? I own your castle of ostrich horror now! Park Warden: You're scared ostriches on the premises? That's a hefty fine, ma'am. Soldier: You hear that, Merasmus? You are being fined and evicted from your castle! Park Warden: I hope she hears that, Ranger Doe. Failure to listen to a park warden is a hefty— [Suddenly, Merasmus' spirit emits from his mouth as a ghastly green fog, his eyes blazing green with rage] Merasmus: ENOUGH! DO YOU THINK YOU CAN BULLY MERASMUS LIKE HE'S SOME CHEAP PARLOR MAGICIAN? I WAS BORN BEFORE TIME, DARK LARVAE FROM THE PUTRID WOMB OF THE ANCIENT ONES! I AM THE SCREAM ON THE LIPS OF CHILDREN! I AM THE CURSE BORNE ON THE BREATH OF THE DEAD! LO, I AM THE MOUTH OF THE BEAST, THE WRAITH OF DARKNESS THE UNCLEAN THING! I AM THE... what are you— are you burning my body? [Merasmus glances down to Soldier — of whom is holding a gasoline canister — standing over Merasmus' now burning body] Soldier: Ohhh. Hey, Merasmus. I thought you were dead. Merasmus: I'VE BEEN TALKING TO YOU THE WHOLE TIME! Soldier: You're always talking. I guess I only notice when you stop. Merasmus: I am going to kill you, Soldier! Soldier: You can't! If you kill me now, I'll only come back stronger! Merasmus: What nonsense are you— waaait... [A brief flashback is shown, depicting Soldier and Merasmus in a bathroom wearing casual clothing. Soldier is brushing his teeth, whilst Merasmus is holding up a pill bottle, with multiple other pill bottles on shelves behind him] [ Last year...] Merasmus: Soldier, did you eat my entire bottle of "kill me come back stronger" pills? Soldier: I thought it was your heart medicine." Merasmus: You're taking my heart medication? Soldier: Look, Merasmus, if you're gonna keep asking dumb questions, I'll go use my other bathroom that I made in the kitchen. [Returning to the present, Merasmus' eyes glow green again, now wearing a twisted smile on his face] Merasmus: Very well... if I can't kill you, Soldier... I will kill EVERYONE YOU CARE ABOUT. Soldier: Ha! I'd like to see you try! [The scene suddenly changes to sometime in the future, as Soldier talks to both the RED Scout and Spy, the latter with his eyes closed making a frustrated gesture. Blood covers the three of them and the windows behind them, as many screams of pain echo around them] Soldier: ...then I told the mighty ghost wizard, "Ha! I'd like to see you try!" And that is why he's killing' all of us right now! Scout: I gotta admit, that does sort of explain everything. SCREAM FORTRESS |
Pages
Trivia
- When attempting to turn the page back at the beginning, or forward at the end of the comic, one of the in-game sound effects for landing on another player with the Mantreads is heard.
- On page 5, Merasmus' bag is labeled, "WIZARDCON MCLVI".
See also
External links
- Doom-Mates on the TF2 Official Website.
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