A Smissmas Story

From Team Fortress Wiki
Jump to: navigation, search
A Smissmas Story
Comic Strip Info
Released: December 14, 2011
Number of pages: 14
Artist: Heather "makani" Campbell
Jim Murray (cover)
I am Old Nick! The SPIRIT of Australian Christmas. And I have come for your children.

A Smissmas Story is a comic released on December 14, 2011, to coincide with the release of Australian Christmas 2011.


The story opens with a scene of a plump businessman named Archibald wearing a bowler delightedly discovering a ticking bomb upon the doorstep of his "Bombs for the Poor" non-profit charity. He calls his friend Julius to inspect the bomb, excitedly claiming some good Samaritan has left it there, with Julius declares that the people of Teufort will rejoice. After the two note the lack of any information of the sender, a stern voice cuts the story off. A severe judge looks at the BLU Scout, seriously doubting the veracity of his testimony. When the Scout checks with his legal counsel (who happen to be the BLU Soldier and Spy), the Spy has slammed his head onto the table, but the Soldier gives an affirmative 'thumbs-up'. The Scout sticks to his story, and the judge presents evidence that the bomb destroyed a Mall Santa training facility. When the judge mentions that the Scout has yet to give any names, (meaning he would be the sole culprit), the Scout quickly accuses the Soldier of masterminding the plot, upon which the Soldier begins strangling him. The judge wearily sentences all three BLU team members to community service at a mall, hosting a "Meet Santa!" event.

A mother and child approach the resentful Scout (dressed as an elf) and ask about the wait to meet Santa. The Scout immediately begins flirting with her, but sends her to the back of the line when he realizes she has a husband. The Scout continues to guard two lines behind him, one for single moms and the other for everyone else. A boy named Jack with a bowl cut begins listing what he wants to the Soldier dressed up as Santa, complete with hat, beard, and festive ornaments. The Soldier rejects all of his requests and gives him a military haircut instead. When the boy's father intervenes, the Soldier prepares to beat him up. As they fight, the Spy is on a phone pleading with Miss Pauling to help release them. Miss Pauling wants to hear how the Soldier became a public defender, and the Spy dismisses it with a reminder that a magician is the Soldier's roommate. When Miss Pauling orders the Spy to ensure things do not escalate, the Spy assures her as he watches the Soldier punch the father out of a banner.

Suddenly, Old Nick arrives with a sleigh pulled by a pack of aggressive reindeer and a kangaroo. He proclaims his intent to kidnap the children, and Miss Pauling angrily orders the Spy to take care of matters. When Jack fearfully walks up to the Spy, the Spy bestows the child with an icicle snapped off an edge of a pay phone. He instructs the boy to obey his plan to the word. Meanwhile, Old Nick is occupied fighting the Scout and Soldier. The Scout hits him with a bauble launched with a roll of wrapping paper, and the Soldier bludgeons him using a Saxton Hale action figure. Jack appears before Old Nick, who quickly recovers and grabs the boy as a hostage. The Scout warns Old Nick that the boy is more than he seems, as Jack quickly takes out the icicle and stabs Old Nick in the neck.

Old Nick crumples to the floor, and the Scout congratulates the Spy, assuming he had disguised as the boy. However, the Spy is actually with the media, who proclaim the mercenaries are heroes who saved the children of Teufort. The Scout boasts about how he is used to being a hero, while the Soldier is joyous about discovering the "War on Smissmas". The comic ends with Jack reminiscing with the Spy about his experience with stabbing Old Nick, and decides that he is not afraid of killing any more. The Spy congratulates the boy and wishes him a merry Smissmas. A front page of a newspaper has an image which shows the Scout flirting with Jack's mother, the Soldier grinning as he assists the battered father to stand, and the Spy giving Jack a piggyback ride. The headline declares that the mercenaries have been issued a pardon for defeating a supposedly-mythical holiday mascot.



  • The first page of the comic is based upon the front cover of The Saturday Evening Post.
  • The Balloonicorn appears on the tree, on page 1, 6 months before it appeared in Meet the Pyro.
  • The tiny "text" of the newspaper at the end of the comic is the Lorem Ipsum filler text.
  • The quote "The power of Smissmas compels you!" on page 11 is a reference to the popular quote "The Power of Christ compels you!" from the movie The Exorcist.
  • Though the Bombinomicon comic claims Merasmus the Magician is the RED Soldier's roommate, the BLU Spy tells Miss Pauling over the phone in this comic that the BLU Soldier's roommate is a magician as well.
  • In the comic Grave Matters, on the bottom of the newspaper on page 13, it is revealed that the Soldier has been given "Legal Powers" by Merasmus. This is why he is a lawyer in this comic.

See also

External links