|“I built that.”
This page contains information about a custom map that is not an officially released Team Fortress 2 map.
All released Valve and Community-made TF2 maps can be found on the list of maps.
||King of the Hill
||Release Candidate 2
||Trains, sawblades, Lasers,|
acid water, pumpkin bombs,
raining trains and
raining trains with sawblades,
Lucy in the Sky with Lasers,
Pastor Kilgore the Saw Cluster,
Choo-choo the Train Shark, Train god
| Health Kits:
|| ×9 • ×3 • ×4
| Ammo Boxes:
|| ×5 • ×6 • ×3
A mysterious suicidal cult to an entity known only as "Train God" has been discovered in an abandoned industrial hazardous materials compound. We're not sure what they were doing or why they were doing it, but we do know that we want whatever it is that they have. The dirty hippies have been driven from their homeland and into the desert where they belong. The only thing left to do is decide which team gets to claim the weird hazardous facility as their own.
Red and Blu have taken part of the compound as their own and it's up to you to stumble your way through the literal death trap of a work environment and capture that point! The hippies were kind of encouraging the last part, but never mind that. Sign this release form...
— Map publicity blurb
Trainsawlaser is a community-made King of the Hill map set in an abandoned industrial hazardous materials compound. Inspired by an older map known as "windmilltrainsaw", the map is filled with various death traps, including at least one of every kind of environmental hazard in the game, in addition to several unique ones that trigger at certain moments.
This map was originally released for the 2012 April Fools Game Day and was later publicly released by UEAKCrash on the TF2 Maps Forums. A tamer version, Trainsawlaser Pro, has also since been released that reduces the amount of randomness and hazards.
Control point timing
|Train Saw Laser
Locations and hazards
- Spawns - The map's two spawn rooms feature an "uber laser", which can be jumped into before reaching the two exit doors.
- Trainyard - Just outside the spawn rooms is a yard with a train track running through it. On a random timer, a train with a saw car and laser car will cross the yard, killing any who happen to be in the way. Occasionally, the train will be going backwards, and is no less deadly.
- Pumpkin room - In the center of the trainyard is a room filled with pumpkin bombs, in addition to a full healthkit and ammo pack. Players can shoot the bombs to trigger a chain reaction should they wish to enter safely, but detonating every bomb at once is not guaranteed.
- Acid lake - On the side of the map (BLU's right side, RED's left side) is a large pool of acid, which deals continuous damage to anyone inside. A full healthkit sits in a tunnel in the middle of the lake. On a random timer, a trainshark with a laser shooting out of its forehead will surface, killing anyone it runs into.
- Battlements - On the opposite side of the acid lake is an elevated room that can be accessed via a ramp. The window closest to the point is open for passage. The battlements connect to the front building with an open corridor that has a sawblade in the ceiling, just barely high enough to walk under safely (if not pushed by something).
- Front building - Just next to the point is a building of two floors. The top floor has a railing with a laser underneath that will kill players that stand too close, while the bottom floor links to the sewers. A "spy-hole" allows players to surprise people below on the acid-facing side of the building.
- The point - In the center of the map is the point, on a slightly raised surface. Two lasers face the point. One is always on and performs a sweep just off to the side, covering a medium healthkit and ammo box. The other has a random schedule and projects directly onto the point. The entire area around the point is grating; Sentry Guns and Teleporters cannot be placed there, but Dispensers can. An ankle-level sawblade is placed in the wall of the front building, with a small healthkit placed on top.
- Combustion chamber - On the acid-facing side of the point is a room that incinerates everyone inside on an irregular schedule.
- Grinder hall - Opposite the combustion chamber is a hall behind the two laser arrays, with a grinder and banana peel.
- Sewers - Four underwater pathways connect the front building, combustion chamber, and grinder hall. In the middle is a sawblade with a full health kit perched on top.
- Roofs and perches - In general, players are free to jump over and onto high perches and roofs. However, strategically-placed pumpkin bombs make it very risky to remain on high perches, and the roofs are covered in damaging acid that renders it impossible to remain for very long. The roof-acid says "nope" as it deals damage.
- Charge ramps - Several conspicuous orange slopes are placed throughout the map, with the tallest informing players that "Demomen can charge up orange ramps".
- Laser walls - Two major areas have walls covered in lasers that kill players that venture too close. The larger one is behind the front building, with a medium healthkit and ammo box in front of it. The smaller one is between the two charge ramps that flank the entrance to the combustion chamber.
- Train Rain - Every time the point changes hands, or after a long time with no captures, a sequence of trains fall from the sky, killing any players they fall on. The train that falls on the point has sawblades attached to it. Train locations are fixed, so players can learn their locations and avoid them.
The map keeps track of how many players die during each round, which is displayed by a "sacrifice counter" shown in both spawns and on a wall near the point. For every 100 deaths, a random event will activate, which locks the point and pauses both teams' timers until it is complete. Magic spells, both common and rare, appear across the map in fixed locations when an event begins.
- Choo Choo the Train Shark - A trainshark that moves about the map and fires rockets and dropping exploding trains (reskinned rockets).
- Pastor Kilgore the Saw-Cluster - A slow-hovering cluster of sawblades that flies around the map at ground level. Drops miniature sawblades that behave like stickybombs.
- Lucy in the Sky with Lasers - A collection of laser emitters that hovers around the map and emits a constant stream of laser beams diagonally.
- Three-Minion Carnage - The first three events all occur at once.
- Teeny Tiny Trains - A series of train-shaped rockets fall from the sky.
- Uber Train - A giant train falls on the map, temporarily stunning players and ultimately killing everyone at once.
Choo Choo the Train Shark
Pastor Kilgore the Saw-Cluster
Lucy in the Sky with Lasers
April 1, 2013
April 24, 2013 (Beta 3)
- Fixed out-of-map exploits. If you DO manage to get out of the map, it will now kill you. Balance has been restored.
- Fixed a bug where you could block the spawn courtyard train's gates. This also kills you.
- Raised the center point kill counter up higher to fix a few small issues.
- Slightly reduced spawn times after capture.
- Train Rain now happens on it's own after a set amount of time with no control point captures.
- Fixed the missing Train Hit audio line ("Say goodbye to your train, wanker")
- Added in two new Train Hit lines provided by Youtube commentator Sal! (youtube.com/user/Fatmop)
September 27, 2013 (Beta 4)
- Over 12 minutes of new voice dialogue added.
- Added sacrifice milestone events. Every 100 kills on the counter will trigger a random event. The KoTH timers pause for these events.
- Choo Choo the Trainshark, Lucy in the Sky With Lasers, and Pastor Kilgore have been crafted to serve as minions of the one true Train God. They can be summoned by amassing a worthy amount of sacrifices.
- Tiny Train Rain™ sacrifice event added.
- Uber Train sacrifice event added.
- Increased the random timer range slightly for the spawn courtyard trains. (Now it's between 10 seconds and 25, before it was 7 to 22.)
- Blocked Red's detail area behind the laser wall.
- Placed building blocking brushes around all hazards to prevent griefing.
- Added detail to the floor of the center area to justify the building blocking brushes also placed over the area. Suck it, Engineers.
- Added front railing to Sniper balconies... Also lasers.
- Standardized hazard damage to balance higher-HP game modes (Saxton Hale, etc) Falling trains deal 5000 damage, crossing trains 2500, saws/ normal lasers/ sharks 1000, spawn laser 10000, roof acid does 30 per tick, side pit acid 10 per tick.
- Refined fucks given counter tracking system. This should now be much more accurate.
- Optimized particle usage in spontaneous combustion room.
- Added drop-down under back-and-forth laser, going to the water.
- Widened center laser's arc.
- Tweaked Train Rain™ pathing to prevent it from staying in the sky when inactive. Not sure where this bug came from, but it's theoretically fixed now.
- Further detailing around the map (Let me know if anyone has any framerate issues).
- Bumped up the chance of getting an uber charge from the spawn room uber lasers by 200%.
- 3d Skybox added.
- Easter eggs! Look for them, bitch!
- Added random-timed flame bursts next to control point, embedded in the ground. Random time between 30-45 seconds with a 5 second warning pilot light before a 4 second burst of flames that ignites players.
- Added 7 new pumpkin-bombs.
- Started optimization of lightmaps. (Decreases file size so I can cram more crap in)
- Opened a couple roof areas up so you can jump over them. You are pushed off if you try to stand on them, however. Sometimes into saws.
- Raised the minimum and maximum random time range for the center electricty hazard by 15 seconds each.
- Removed a key strike location for the center electricity hazard.
- Slightly widened the player clip on the horizontal saws to make it easier to grab the small health pack.
- Removed moving saws on top of first buildings coming out of spawn. Not worth the cost.
- Passing trains now have slight chance to go backwards.
- Slightly moved two trains of the Train Rain™ to fix a bug where you could be killed in a safe area underwater.
September 28, 2013 (Beta 4 Fix)
- Fixed the server crash issue
- Drastically optimized entity naming
- Removed wasteful entities (easter eggs, sorry!)
- Cleaned up path_track usage
- Reduced amount of lasers in laser walls
- Optimized fucks given tracking system
- Tiny Train Rain quantity reduced slightly
- Fixed Choo Choo's intro lines playing over each other and one of Lucy's intros being too quiet
- Removed flames next to point
- Reduced volume of minions slightly
Unknown Date (Beta 5)
- Internal testing/ broken version
December 1, 2013 (Beta 6)
- All kills on the map are now counted on the sacrifice counters.
- Spells books now spawn along with milestone events. Unfortunately which spell you have isn't shown in the HUD. Good luck!
- Drastically optimized kill counting logic.
- Added fail-safe to sacrifice counter to prevent multiple long events happening simultaneously. If you reach another milestone while the current is still going it will wait until it is over before activating.
- Dispensers are now buildable in the center area, but Teleporters and Sentry Guns are still not.
- Lowered total required capture time to 5 minutes each.
- Fixed a few minor visual issues.
- Hopefully didn't break the map.
- Removed rarely used awkward ramps at center
- Created NAV file for bots and set it up so bots avoid hazards properly
- Adjusted free uber rates in spawn rooms.
- Optimized fucks given counter further.
April 1, 2014 (Release Candidate 1)
- Completely revamped audio entity system, saving a lot of entdata. This should solve ALL server crashing issues and allow the server to run on 32 player servers smoother. This took many hours.
- Restored missing kill trigger section for giant falling train event
- Adjusted sentry nobuilds to cover most of the ramps leading up to mid
- Changed a bunch of the spell books to rare spells
- Changed milestone events so they will not repeat until all have been activated. PickRandom to PickRandomShuffle
- Changed all minion audio lines to PickRandomShuffle as well to eliminate any repeats
- Made electrical hazard into a big fat straight laser hazard, still on a random timer though.
- Optimized lightmaps for smaller filesize
- Increased Kilgore's movement speed
- Restored a couple missing Kilgore lines
- Removed stoneyridge.net ads
- KNOWN BUG: Sometimes lines play when they are not supposed to. This is a side effect of how I had to change the audio system, and I'm not entirely sure if/ when it'll ever get fixed. It's worth it.
April 1, 2015 (Release Candidate 2)
- Added a plethora of particles created by FissionMetroid101
- Added grinder/banana hazard behind mid-laser
- Moved a few trains around because fuck you, players (this does not include the one right out side of spawn, lol)
- Fixed audio bug that has been bothering me for a year, yaaayyyy!
- Added contest overlay for Old Man Jenkins
- Added two new voice lines provided by mysel-- I mean Muselk
- Adjusted material usage because it sounded like fun
- Reduced entity count from 1374 to 1344!
Map Voice Overs
Below are the voice overs of all the NPCs of the map.
Overview of control point.
Another overview of control point.
Raining trains with sawblades.
A promotional image of Train Rain.
A Crash Construction poster seen on this and other maps made by [UEAK]Crash.
- The NPC Lucy in the Sky with Lasers is a reference to the song 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds' by The Beatles.
- The line "I'm the conductor of the poop train" said by Train God is a quote said by the character Krieg the Psycho from the game Borderlands 2.
- Train God: [UEAK]Carnage
- Lucy in the Sky with Lasers: Mrs. "[UEAK]Khaleesi" Linke
- Choo Choo the Trainshark: Harlen "[UEAK]Crash" Linke
- Pastor Kilgore the Saw-Cluster: [UEAK]Damon
- Additional voices by SalTV and Muselk